Her

One thing you may see alot of on here are posts about Her. By her i mean the girl i think im in love with. You may say, “Oh youre young you dont know what love is!” Thats fucking great, like i said before: i dont give a fuck what you think.
To me this girl is the most beautiful girl in the world. Ive only known her for about 2 years but ive atleast liked her since i met her. She doesnt feel the same way for me so that kind of makes things a little awkward. We “went out” once. To me it doesnt count at all because it was 4 days but it was the best 4 days of my life that started on February 19. She was the first person i went on a date with. We went to the movies to see a new movie Valentines Day. It was after the movie where i had my first real kiss. 2 days later she broke up with me. I thought i had finally found a girl who had actually liked me. All my other “relationships” were bullshit. They were all only up to a week and we never hung out or did shit. With her we had gone on a date and hung out at school and kissed but when she broke up with me she told me she realized she didnt like me. What i though had been my first relationship was a lie. I got mad when she broke up with me. I thought she was just fucking with me and didnt give a shit about me. We didnt talk for a while until we madeup. When we madeup i still liked her. I still liked her when i had my first actual girlfriend. I was going out with this girl and i still liked Her. It wasnt right so after about a month and a half i broke up with her. While i was going out with that girl i had told Her i liked her still and hadnt got over her. I wasnt sure how she felt for me. When i asked her what to do she said that she should stay with the girl for the rest of Summer because She wabted to wait till school started to have a boyfriend. Two weeks before my freshman year of highschool I told her I loved her. We had a long talk that i cant remember except for 1 part that i will never forget… She said love was her fear. I told her that she needed to face her fear. She said, “but fears are scary” i said “Dont worry im here.” she said “But justin, youre my fear” sounds wierd but that made me the happiest person in the world. She told me to wait the 2 weeks for us to go out. The next morning she didnt rememeber anything right away. She said she couldnt remember cause she just woke up. Ya sure. She remembered after i told her about it. Halfway through the 2 weeks we had a fight over something i cant remember. Im pretty sure she told me something about not being ready for a boyfriend to me i realized she was really saying, “I dont like you”. We stopped talking for a few days until we made up. School started and nothing happened with us other than we got in a fight again and stopped talking. We have kept fighting through the first 3 weeks of school. Somwhere between there i told her that i was stupid and didnt love her and i couldnt know if i did or not i just knew i liked her. I lied cause i thot maybe the love thibg was scaring her. I had kept false senses of hope the whole time like the idiot i am. She doesnt know i still think im in love with her. For now im just waiting to see if anything happens between us. I foolishly keep my fingers crosse knowing that she doesnt like me. All i can do is wait and hope for the best.

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